I’m a 24/7 single Mom and my daughter is 6. Since her birth I have gone on three retreat weekends and two weekends away with friends without my daughter. That equates to less than a weekend off a year…! Every other time we have been apart has been for work, study or for working on opening a democratic school for my daughter.
It’s like if I wasn’t doing something that I had to do then I couldn’t possibly ask for someone to mind my daughter. I couldn’t just say can you take her so I can have a break?
Or could I?
For my 2020 new year’s resolution I decided I was going to ask for help. Not just when I really needed it but also when I wanted it for various reasons. So I went to my neighbour and asked if she could watch Harmony for an hour so that I could get a break. Five and a half blissful hours later Harmony came home and we were both delighted with our day and our much needed break from one another, it was amazing. I then started getting babysitters every week so I could go out dancing in the evening or relax with a friend.
Then Lockdown hit but I was determined not to go back to old patterns and organised child swaps etc! Now I happily ask for people to take Harmony, get babysitters frequently and am very excitedly planning a FULL WEEK away in 2022!!
Sometimes the idea of asking for help can feel like you are giving up control, that most often isn’t the case. When you take charge and ask for help to make your life easier then you are taking control of your life and doing what you need to do to make it better for yourself and your loved ones.
Wanting a break from being a Mom doesn’t make you a bad Mom. You are human and not having to care for someone else’s needs for an hour, a day or a weekend can be so refreshing.
Do you struggle to ask for help?
When you google help the definition is:
“make it easier or possible for (someone) to do something by offering them one's services or resources.”
Does that seem like a bad thing to ask for?
Sometimes one feels bad asking someone else to do something for them as it may put them out but I always ask in a way that makes it very easy for them to say no! Like in a text I will literally say ‘no worries if it doesn’t suit, just thought I would ask J’.
My experience has been that people more often than not enjoy being asked to help out as it makes them feel needed and they feel appreciated. It also means that they feel better about asking for help when they need it too and so you create a beautiful help circle!
So give it a go and ask for help when you want it. It might just change your life ;)